


Safe Harbor

by suluismyspirit



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blood and Injury, But mostly Yussa, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Child Abuse, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, POV Caleb Widogast, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Yussa is probably super OOC here, lack of agency
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:08:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29193561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suluismyspirit/pseuds/suluismyspirit
Summary: Snippets of Yussa and Caleb's past and their developing relationship.Probably won't make sense unless you've read Toy Soldier.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 72





	Safe Harbor

Caleb was anxious, terrified might be a more apt description, though he was careful not to let the weakness show on his face. Both Astrid and Eodwulf had failed at this mission before it had been passed on to him, something that filled him with a sense of almost certain defeat. _They_ had not been able to achieve this, what made Master think that _he_ could?

Procure access to the Nicodranian teleportation circle.

A simple mission in theory, but one that required negotiating with the (if rumor was to be believed) **very** powerful mage that guarded it. Caleb knew his name, one Yussa Errenis. The man was an Elf, probably why Master Ikithon did not attempt to treat with him directly. Master was well adept at politics, but the Empire was well known for its dislike of anyone not human and Ikithon was no exception.

Caleb knew well his master’s opinion on such a topic.

The crusades were not so far into the past that all was forgiven and forgotten. Frankly, given the mixed heritage of those here in Nicodranas, Caleb found it surprising Master Ikithon had managed to procure an invitation to this event at all.

It was political, that much was obvious. Caleb and Ikithon had traveled in company of two diplomats from the empire, their mission to reaffirm the peace between the two countries as tension with their neighbors across the border in Xhorhas rose. It was the first journey Caleb had ever taken with Ikithon, a harrowing experience that tested his ability to read his master’s wishes.

With more than a little trepidation, Caleb made his way over to the Nicodranian mage, far too aware of Master Ikithon’s eyes on him. He bowed as he introduced himself to Master Errenis, too afraid and well remembering the lessons of his name that Master Ikithon had stamped into him ever since the ceremony. He didn’t want to be that, didn’t want to be Widogast, didn’t even want to be himself. He just wanted to be Caleb. But he knew better. For something this important, something he would doubtless fail anyway, he would give his master as few reasons to punish him as was possible.

“Good evening, Master Errenis. I am Widogast, if I might have a moment of your time?”

~~

Yussa frowned, hearing the sharp crack of what he easily recognized as a slap. Curious, because this was a well to do party and those invited were of some notability, he slipped around the corner to stand unnoticed by the two speaking in quiet voices a little way down the hall.

Only one was speaking, the other having his head lowered, shoulders tense as the elder berated him in a quiet voice. It was the young man who had come to speak with him earlier, a boy barely past his teens if Yussa judged him correctly. He and the mage speaking to him were both from the Empire, representatives of the Cerberus Assembly. The young one, he’d introduced himself as Widogast, had been polite enough, if a little stiff and formal.

Yussa could only surmise this was his teacher, or at the very least one who was above him in the odd hierarch the Cerberus Assembly followed. Even with that assumption, or especially with that assumption, it did not sit well with Yussa how the red headed boy was standing so still and tense. He could guess just _why_ the young man was being berated; Widogast had approached him to gain the use of his teleportation circle and he had declined.

His teacher was obviously displeased that the boy had failed, though why he was surprised was beyond Yussa. He knew that he was well known for being a private individual; it was rare enough he even attended events such as these. The Empire mage likely, and rightly, might well have presumed that this was the one chance to bargain for what he wanted.

Although, thinking back… this was not the first time this man had attempted such. Yussa remembered him two other times, with two other young wizards, though they had both been older than this young man. All three now had tried, and failed, to bargain their way into his good graces enough that he might share the symbols for his teleportation circle.

Yussa might not have been so quick to turn this boy down and slip away if he’d have known these would be the consequences. He was pragmatic and not disillusioned to the reality of the world, but that didn’t mean he liked to be complicit in perpetuating the wrongness being done.

Yussa paid little attention to the Empire beyond making sure their sights and interests did not threaten Nicodranas. He was more of a recluse and those friends he did have were on a completely different continent. But watching these two, he wondered if this was how all young mages were taught within the Empire. Bad enough those of the magical profession were used as pawns and bargaining chips at best within the Empire, but to perpetrate the mentality among themselves?

Yussa’s lips pressed together in a thin line of displeasure, the elf soon turning and slipping back around the corner. There was little he could do, he would not risk starting an incident between their two nations. However, he may return for the following evening’s festivities, let the red haired wizard come find him once more. That he would do so, Yussa was certain. There had been enough low hissed threats directed at the young mage, another tell-tale sound of a blow delivered behind him as he walked away.

~~

In a fortunate turn of fate, the following evenings festivities were to be held at the Lavish Chateau and the main entertainment to be a performance by the Ruby of the Sea. It was one of the few things that would have tempted him out of his tower, so he did not need worry of being seen attending events two days in a row. Not that he had need, nor care, to explain himself to anyone. It was simply preferable he retained his reputation rather than have the self-important nobility of Nicodranas bothering him for each and every one of their little problems.

Her performance was grand, as always, spectacular enough he had to focus in order to turn his attention away. Yussa found the ones he searched for quickly enough, those of the Empire stood out in such a place as this, the two of them seated as far away from the stage as possible. Bigotry at its most petty.

The older mage had a hand on Widogast’s neck, the boy’s head bent subserviently as the man spoke to him. Yussa kept watch subtly, knowing the Empire mage was watching him. He didn’t want to invite the two over to him, and he had a feeling the man would take advantage of even simple eye contact to initiate a conversation.

No, he’d prefer to speak to the younger alone if at all possible. If nothing else, he could learn about who the man was, his position in the Empire. Whether he was Widogast’s teacher or simply a superior. Yussa had a great many questions, his curiosity having grown over the day.

He didn’t have to wait long. The end of the Ruby’s performance was met with applause and in that few moments the red-haired boy approached his table. Yussa looked over at him as he came closer, struck for a moment by just how _young_ he looked. And so defeated, as if he knew already what answer he would get.

“Master Errenis, please forgive the intrusion, but might I have a moment of your time?” Widogast asked, the resignation on his features showing in his tone.

Yussa inclined his head, gesturing at one of the empty chairs at his table. “Very well. Join me. You had said you were Widogast, did you not?”

The mage blinked, surprise crossing his face before he schooled the expression into something neutral and polite.

“Thank you, yes, I-“ He paused, nearly glancing back behind him though froze halfway through the movement. Instead, he moved to accept the offered seat, keeping his back to the table he’d just left. “I am Caleb. Caleb Widogast.”

It was odd to Yussa that the boy seemed so nervous introducing himself, and odd that he gave a different name. His opinion of the other Empire mage dropped lower because, odd or not, he would have to be blind and a fool to not see where Caleb's nervousness stemmed. Yussa pushed that aside for the moment, focusing on his own curiosities and questions.

“Caleb.” He began, choosing to use the new name, the one the boy had repeated twice in introducing himself. He was rewarded by a flicker of some emotion behind Caleb’s blue eyes, there and gone before Yussa could put a name to it. “You are from the Empire, the Cerberus Assembly. And the one you travel with…?”

Yussa trailed off, waiting to see which direction Caleb would choose to answer the unspoken question.

“Yes, sir. I… received my robes one year ago now.” Caleb answered evenly, surprising Yussa. He’d thought Caleb was simply a pupil, not a full member of the Assembly. He was so young, though.. perhaps older than he'd originally presumed. He let none of his thoughts show as he listened to Caleb continue. “I am here with Master Ikithon, he is one of the leaders of the Assembly. Took myself, and two others, as his pupils many year ago. I am sure there is much I could offer, if you have an interest?”

Ah, and there began the sales pitch. Not unexpected, though a little forced in Yussa’s opinion. He didn’t mind, it was a game he was willing to play to dig further for the information he wanted. It was information he already knew, given his observations from the previous evening, but verification wasn’t completely unwarranted.

The two of them conversed for some time; topics ranging from magic to the performance from earlier to the academy Caleb had attended, then back to magic again. Despite himself, Yussa found the conversation enjoyable. He tried here and there to pry into the relationship between Caleb and Trent, though he got few enough straight answers. Caleb always _gave_ an answer, though never one that sounded like the full truth.

Eventually, Yussa realized he wasn’t going to get any further with Caleb while they were under the eye of Ikithon, he could see that easily enough. Caleb hedged around with his answers, subtly stopping himself from looking back at Trent every so often. Yussa could do nothing here, knew any offer he made would be rejected out of hand. And may prove dangerous to the boy if his ‘master’ overheard.

“If you would be agreeable, we should discuss this at my tower.” Yussa offered, standing to his feet. “I am not one for events such as this, to be truthful I only came to hear the Ruby’s performance.”

“Yes, sir. That would be agreeable. If I might spare a moment to inform Master Ikithon, I will gladly accompany you.” Caleb stated, mirroring Yussa as he stood.

Once again, Yussa tried to be subtle watching Caleb as he made his way back to Trent. For a short few moments, Ikithon’s expression was of a cold fury, likely presuming Caleb was returning to him with another rejection. Yussa was beginning to realize he wasn’t going to be able to live with himself if he _didn’t_ give Caleb access to the tower’s circle.

The boy was likable enough, reminded Yussa of himself at that age. Under the nervous anxiety, there was intelligence and curiosity, neither quashed by the too obvious fear of his teacher. Yussa couldn’t help but wonder what Caleb would be if he were allowed to flourish on his own, to chase his own dreams and ambitions.

~~

Yussa’s tower was dark and empty when he returned, the same as ever. Again, he entertained the thought of finding someone to manage it while he was away or busy. Keep it organized and clean, or at least have a candle lit upon his return. Someone to field the many requests for his attentions.

A simple twist of arcane energy revealed the doorway and Yussa tried not to read too much into the tension of Caleb’s shoulders as he passed through in front of him.

They talk again for a while, revisiting the same topics, and though Yussa can easily read the truth on Caleb, the boy never admits his fear of Ikithon. Caleb does not believe Yussa when he tells him Trent’s methods are _wrong_ , for all his words at times contradict his beliefs.

Still, Yussa tries.

“Stay here. You will be safe, free.” Yussa offered gently.

“No, I cannot. You are… powerful. Frighteningly so, but even you cannot stand against the might of the Assembly.” Caleb replied, shivering slightly.

Yussa paused before speaking, concerned at the phrasing of the young man’s description of himself. He did not wish to impart fear on the other. He did not wish for Caleb to be frightened of him. He had known the young man for only a few hours, but already he could tell the wizard was far too familiar with that feeling.

“Surely they would not risk war over one young mage?” He asked carefully, not wanting to belittle the other, but only express a logical train of thought.

“M-master Ikithon will.” Caleb replied, glancing over at Yussa warily, only continuing after watching him for a long moment. “We are… his chosen. He does not like… ah…” Caleb hesitated, shame and unease coloring his tone.

“He will not let you go.” Yussa surmised. “And he is of high enough authority in the Assembly to use them to his own gain.”

“I would be declared traitor, rogue. I do not wish to risk an innocent city his wrath for the sake of my own comfort.” Caleb said firmly, shrinking away from Yussa at the same time.

“I will respect your decision, your choice.” Yussa told him, adding a soft reminder. “I will not harm you.”

“I…” Caleb clasped his hands together, letting out a breath. “Thank you, Yussa.”

“Come.” Yussa said abruptly, standing from his seat. He led Caleb up the spiral staircase, pressing his hand against a panel on the stone wall on one of the upper floors. A crease appeared, the wall sliding to reveal a stone chamber, runes and sigils drawn permanently upon the floor.

“You are…?” Caleb asked in confusion, looking over at Yussa.

“I will make a bargain with you, Caleb.” Yussa stated. “I will allow you the use of my teleportation circle, will even provide you the components to cast the spell each time you come here. In return I want only two things. If you ever change your mind, come here. If you are in danger, come here.”

“I… I do not understand.”

“If you will not stay, return whenever you wish. Let that be part of the agreement.” Yussa suggested. “I shall allow you, and any with you, access through my tower, so long as they do not pose a threat to myself or Nicodranas.”

Caleb was silent for a while, eyes searching Yussa’s for some hidden meaning, some trickery. His brow furrowed, anxious fear coloring his expression as his entire body tensed. “I… I have nothing worthwhile to offer you.”

Yussa shook his head. “I am not suggesting you should. You owe me nothing. I will not harm you, will not even touch you or come close without permission. Let Ikithon think what he so wishes about the agreement between us. He seems like the type to care less about the cost to you, and more for the resulting benefits to himself.”

Slowly, Caleb nodded, turning to study the unique sigils of the teleportation circle.

~~~~

Yussa saw the young man far and few enough between, mostly accompanied by Trent on different errands to Nicodranas. He would receive a message before their arrival, warning him and allowing him time to make himself available to grant them passage through his tower. Caleb never spoke in Ikithon’s presence, simply stood still and obedient by the man’s side, at times remaining kneeling from where he had cast the spell until Ikithon ordered him otherwise.

The sight never failed to infuriate Yussa.

He saw them fewer once the war started. Nicodranas was staying neutral in the dispute. The ruling parties disagreed with the Empire’s premise of the war, but the Xhorhasian Dynasty made no bid for assistance from the surrounding nations. Envisioning a quick end to the conflict, one way or the other, the decision was made to stay out of the fighting.

It was nearly seven years since Yussa had made his bargain with Caleb, long enough he’d hired an assistant to manage his affairs, before Caleb used the teleportation circle alone.

Yussa had no warning, he simply entered into the stone room, intending to use the circle himself, only to find a very injured, very bloodied, wizard sitting in the center of the room with a blank expression. Yussa frowned, striding forward and kneeling next to the younger man.

Caleb didn’t even flinch, didn’t react to his presence at all. He was awake, alive and breathing, but his eyes were so distance, cold.

“Wensforth, bring a healing potion.” He ordered over his shoulder, the goblin who had been shadowing him carrying his bag nodded quickly and turned to hurry away. Yussa turned his attention back to Caleb, eyes scanning over him, though not touching. He could not, would not, without Caleb’s permission, that had been the agreement.

“Caleb.” He spoke lowly, trying to gain the other’s attention. “Caleb, what happened?”

“Eodwulf…” Caleb’s answer was almost inaudible, the whispered word so broken. He still hadn’t moved, hadn’t looked up.

Yussa shifted, glancing down as the sound of liquid under his foot reached his ears. He cursed, noticing the pool of blood underneath the mage. Wensforth returned a few moments later, passing a vial of red liquid to Yussa. He nodded his head in thanks, indicating the goblin should leave. Caleb was not there enough to consent to anything and Yussa would not allow him to unknowingly share intimate details with someone he did not know. Time enough for introductions another day.

“Caleb.” Yussa repeated, again attempting to capture the mage’s attention. “Caleb, you are injured. Will you allow me to heal you?”

After a long moment, Caleb nodded agreement, accepting the vial Yussa gently pressed into his hands. The potion slowed and soon stopped the flow of blood, giving a little color back to Caleb’s face. There was too much damage to be completely mended, and Yussa unfortunately had not spent any time learning healing arts.

“Caleb, what happened?” He asked again.

Caleb’s breath hitched as he turned his eyes up to meet Yussa’s gaze. He was crying, something Yussa had _never_ seen from him, despite the many times he had arrived hurt and bleeding at Ikithon’s feet.

“Eodwulf… Wulf, he’s- dead.”

~~

Yussa was able to convince Caleb to stay for two days, though convince was a strong word. Caleb was unresponsive half the time, silent tears falling down his face as he presumably mourned his friend. Yussa had heard of Eodwulf, had listened to Caleb speak of him during the times Trent had left Caleb to Yussa once he’d used the circle to come to Nicodranas. Caleb had always spoken of the other man with affection, shifting from lovesick to something more platonic over time. So Yussa knew of Eodwulf, knew Caleb had loved him, and knew the loss had hurt him more than Trent had ever managed.

Yet two days was all Caleb allowed himself to mourn, then he returned to Rexxentrum.

Caleb arrived back at Yussa’s tower, again alone, two weeks after he’d left.

Again, he was injured, though not so near dying as he had been before. His arms were bloodied, the bandages he always wore soaked through with crimson. His eyes were blank, unseeing and unfocused as he stood wavering on unsteady feet.

His lip was split and bloodied, a dark bruise already forming under one eye. He begged forgiveness for lying, for telling Ikithon that Yussa wanted him back for a day per the agreement. Begged that he was sorry, so sorry. Yussa tried desperately, but could not manage reassure Caleb that it was fine.

It was difficult to keep letting him go back, to continue to respect Caleb’s choice.

“Caleb. Stay. Please. I can help you.”

“Nein. No. I… I cannot. It is not worth the risk.” Caleb replied, his answer always the same.

Yussa sighed, shoulder dropping minutely. He stood, turning and stepping over to the shelves as he searched for the components Caleb would need for the teleportation spell.

“I… I am sorry. I have… disappointed you.” Caleb whispered behind him.

Yussa took the chalk and ink, wrapping it in a pouch before turning back to the wizard. “No. You have not. You show concern for others, above concern for yourself. It is more than I have done in the past.”

Caleb looked up at him, eyes shifting briefly to the pouch as Yussa attempted to hand it to him. Always so surprised at the offer. “You- I have nothing to… this- this agreement, you get nothing-”

“Allowing Ikithon access to my tower is to my own benefit. He would find a way to travel quickly to Nicodranas, as that was obviously his intent. I am not the only one with a teleportation circle, though the other is… a well-guarded secret. Better to keep ones enemy close, and there is nothing closer than monitoring his movements here.” Yussa explained, setting the pouch on the small table when Caleb failed to take it from him and resuming his seat across from the young wizard.

Better to explain his reasoning in a way Caleb would believe, would understand fully. He could see easily enough that the young man saw little enough kindness in his life, saw none so far as Yussa could tell. Still, he could not help but hope Caleb would understand as he added. “The agreement is for you. _With_ you.”

Caleb breathed out a laugh, the half-smile on his face looking out of place, though no less genuine.

“Danke.”

~~

**BONUS**

It had been almost two years since Yussa had last seen Caleb. Trent, distracted with the war effort, had little use currently for quick access to Nicodranas. Even with the war now ended, the Empire was still preoccupied with it's own struggles. In turn, that meant Caleb was no longer able to use it as well. Caleb had warned him of such the last time he’d been by, Trent sweeping out of the tower and leaving him with Yussa for only a few hours.

He hadn’t even cared enough to order Caleb to stand, had simply left the mage on his knees in the center of the teleportation circle.

This, though, was little better.

Once again there was blood on Caleb’s clothing when he arrived. He was not alone, though surprisingly it was not Trent that was with him. For a moment, Yussa dared hope that Caleb had gotten away from the Assembly mage, had found some other way…

But he quickly saw the truth. The purple Tiefling loomed over Caleb, the mage flinching when the half-orc drew attention to him, and Yussa knew nothing had changed for him. If anything, it had gotten worse.

“I apologize for us dropping in on you so unexpected. We found ourselves in a bit of trouble and Caleb brought us here to get us out of it.”

An apology was new, though Yussa had no tolerance for false niceties. Better manners this one might have, but these people still had Caleb on the ground cowering from them and it was all Yussa could do not to select one of the many spells in his repertoire and just _deal_ with them, consequences be damned.

He could hear the soft patter of footsteps approaching and he was once again glad for Wensforth. Yussa did not have any desire to play host to these people. He focused his attention on the one who spoke, unable to moderate his tone to anything other than the icy distain he felt for them.

“Very well. As Caleb and I have an existing agreement to the use of my teleportation circle, I will extend such to you as well. Now if you do not mind, I have my own business which you have disrupted. Wensforth will see you out.” He stated, turning on his heel and striding away.

He needed… a moment. If nothing else than to find more components for Caleb to take with him when they left. He would ask Caleb about them while they were on whatever business they had in Nicodranas, would hopefully have time enough that he might convince Caleb to share just how his situation had so drastically changed.

It took longer than it should have for the group to travel down the stairs to the bottom floor of his tower. Caleb was not with the first few that showed up and Yussa had a few moments of fury and indignation. They could not possibly be so presumptuous to cause Caleb harm while in _his_ tower…

But a few moments later Caleb was making his way down the stairwell, flanked by the two Tieflings. He looked no worse for wear, no new injuries at least, so Yussa waited. He only stepped forward and called out to Caleb when it became apparent the group planned on keeping the mage with them.

“Caleb.” He called out, stepping forward into the room.

Yussa waited with impatient patience for Molly to permit Caleb to come to him, annoyed at how much more controlling this one was. They all were, so it appeared, and uncaring of the agreement Yussa had set up. Caleb deserved a break, yet it appeared he would be allowed none.

He muttered a spell, dropping a wall of silence across the Tiefling to keep him from hearing their conversation as Caleb 10came up to him. “Caleb, what happened?”

“It is… a long story, but… ah, I am with these now. The Might Nine, they are called. I am sorry for the short notice of our arrival, it was… I did not know where else to go.” Caleb explained, tension easing as Yussa shook his head.

“If you change your mind. If you are in danger. Both are part of the ‘come here’ agreement.” Yussa reminded him.

Caleb breathed a laugh, looking down for a moment. “Ja, ja. I remember.”

“I can help you, they would pose little threat to me.” Yussa offered gently, handing the pouch of component to Caleb. He only hoped that with Trent now out of the picture Caleb might finally accept the offer.

What little amusement had been present faded as Caleb shook his head. “Nein. No. It is… complicated, and Master Ikithon is just as much a threat as always. I cannot…”

Not an unexpected answer and Yussa reluctantly nodded in agreement. He lifted a hand, pausing with a simple request of ‘may I?’ and reached out to place his hand on Caleb’s shoulder when he nodded. He only wished Caleb would allow him to do more, to help, but he would give what comfort he could in the meantime. Two years the mage had spent alone, following Trent’s orders without even a friend or companion to help him. It was no wonder how even this simple touch was such a relief to Caleb.

“Danke.” Caleb whispered quietly, small smile appearing then vanishing as he turned and walked back towards the Tiefling that still waited for him.


End file.
